It's All in My Head

Scheduled: 5 Actual: 4 RPE: 6-7

I'm not sure if I could have woken up in worse mood if I tried!

I had a pretty relaxing and productive night yesterday but also pretty lonesome. I feel like I am in so many places at once: trying to pack and leave Japan but also trying to apply for jobs and get ready for my life back home as well as trying to forget the part where Stephen will be in England and I will be in the States.

I haven't been sleeping enough all week and my dinner last night was popcorn and soda so as far as physical preparation goes I more or less stabbed myself in the back. I thought about skipping my morning run and doing it after school but I knew it would be too hot and I don't want to skip a run.

I laced up my shoes and tried to finish a mile. I barely made it. On a day like today no amount of mental focus was going to get me out of this rut. So I went back into my house and got my iPod. I mouthed along to the words and tried to forget how much I didn't want to be doing this and how stiff I was. Non-Runner's Trainer recommends not using a music player during the runs so you can focus on the mental techniques and pay attention to how your body feels. It makes sense to me. But not today. I needed to run so I needed to tune myself out.

I'm not sure if the mind is this powerful but I almost think my sore muscles were more mental than physical. I hadn't felt any soreness or stiffness until I started running. It may have been all in my mind.

A friend of my mom's is an amazingly dedicated runner. She's emailed me some tips. Just today I got the perfect email from her: Don't worry about the miles as much as working on your mental fortitude. Remember you can walk 1 minute for each mile you do. Take time to catch your breath, and rest. Take your time, remember the run is about a lot more than just the mileage, it is about your ability to withstand difficult situations and make it through. Perfect timing for those words, I think! Sometimes I give myself a hard time and have a little too high expectations. This isn't going to be a breeze. I'm going to have days like today. But showing up, that's important. Showing up and running.

I am a marathoner!

Let's Running.

Oh Jeez!

Scheduled: 3 Actual: 3 RPE: 5-6

Walked two minutes to start and two minutes to end but otherwise ran the three miles. Wasn't my best mentally so I knew I couldn't slow down since my will wasn't there to pick me up again.

It was rainy on and off so I didn't bring my phone out with me. Probably a slow first mile again. Still feeling rusty. I averaged 14-minute miles though.

I love coming up with new mantras; I think it's the writer in me. Today's was, "I can, I will, I am." I used it almost the whole time except for a few moments when my mind wandered to unpleasant things. I'm coming to terms with leaving Japan, a place I've lived for two years, and my first real job. It's all a bit much to take in! I'm hoping that having running to focus on will help me expend some nervous energy but so far I've found plenty of time to be nervous despite my running schedule.

After my run I felt incredibly weak, light-headed. My back ached and chest felt tight. I think it was mostly anxiety related because it's cleared up throughout the day, but oh jeez it was difficult not to cry on my way to work!

I'm not sure if I'm eating too much or too little. I'm not sure if my appetite is related to my exercise or just all in my head. For breakfast I had aloe yogurt with granola, a bowl of cereal, and an English muffin with blueberry jam. Seems a bit much but I'm always hungry by lunch time. I think I better do some research.

I've got rest day tomorrow and then Friday morning I've got a 7-mile run to finish. I would be lying if I said I wasn't TERRIFIED.

But that's OK because I'll go out and run anyway.

Let's Running.

Day One of New Schedule=SUCCESS!

Scheduled: 3 miles Actual: 3 miles RPE: 5

First an update on my diet: I decided to cut out pop and french fries. I'd like to cut out all deep-fried foods but I know that if I set that rule I'd just want to break it because it seems too difficult. But by saying I won't eat fries I hope to make myself think twice before eating other deep-fried foods. I made breakfast for dinner Friday night but instead of hash browns I ate rice with my scrambled eggs and an English muffin with blueberry jam on the side. So far, so good.

It's still very humid and I started today's run pretty discouraged since I realized it'll be another three or four weeks before this humidity clears up a little. I ran and walked my first mile in 17 minutes. That's a new record for me...and not the good kind. My calf and shin muscles have been really cramped the last few runs and I think I've let that discourage me as well. I stretched half-way through my 17-minute mile but it didn't help too much. As I was getting to my house (the one-mile marker) I decided that instead of stopping like I normally do and having to will myself to start again I would just run through onto my second mile.

My legs were still cramped. My whole run I felt like I was on one of those tracks at airports that are like escalators just flat. Only that I was going the wrong way!

But I decided I was going to finish this run, run all the miles, and start week three off right. So I kept my eyes on the ground a few feet in front of me and repeated, "My legs are really sore but that's OK because that means I'm getting stronger." Eventually I shortened it to, "I'm getting stronger" and timed it with my breathing: IN IN-OUT OUT-IN IN. "I am/ get-ting/stron-ger."

And that's how I ran two solid miles without stopping. My leg cramps worked themselves out with about a half-mile to go but that's OK because I finished my run regardless.

Let's Running.

The Not-Quite-Best Laid Plans

Scheduled: 6 miles Actual: 2 miles RPE: 7

I believe my poor show today speaks to several weak links in my running plan and I have used this extremely frustrating experience as an opportunity to re-vamp my routine.

1.) Having a day off before and after the run is important both mentally and physically and in the future I will not refuse to get up.

2.) I really need to start watching my diet. All week on my running days I have felt very exhausted and weak by the afternoon. Some of that has to do with adjusting to the heat, I know. But I also know that I haven't altered my diet to include the amount of carbs and veggies/fruits that my body so desperately needs now.

My additional struggle is school lunch. We all eat the same thing and there is a policy of not wasting anything so no matter how many teachers we have on any given day in the staffroom, whether 10 or 25, we eat all the food. Insane? Yes. About a year into the crazy world of Japanese school lunch I started having trouble finishing lunch. I stopped having lunch with the students because they aren't allowed to throw out anything and I didn't want to be a bad example.

But still I could only finish half my lunch. I started eating only the soup, salad, and meat of the day and skipping the rice (I'd wrap the rice in plastic and take it home, that way it didn't look like I was wasting anything). But I realize I need to alter this plan, and risk being scolded for throwing out some of my soup since I need the carbs from the rice/noodles/bread of the day.

3.) I need to change my running schedule. The program outlined in Non-Runner's Trainer suggests we complete the long run Saturday mornings. This is a good idea for so many reasons and has worked well for most if not everyone who has followed this program. However, for my life now it is not a good plan. I only get to see Stephen on the weekends since he lives about three hours away. Taking time out of my already limited time with him kills my motivation and attitude when I run on weekends. Also, I end up running late in the morning, around 9:00 or 10:00, and by then the sun is scorching and the humidity is stifling.

Thus I unveil my new plan: eat all of the carb at lunch, carb and veggie heavy dinners, and running Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday with the long run Friday.

This way, I will avoid skipping or shortening runs and will also skip the frustration and disappointment of not finishing them. Two birds!

Total Miles This Week: 11

Let's Running.