I Finished :)

...in about 6 1/2 hours. I walked the last 6 miles. But holy crap, I finished a marathon! 26.2 miles in one day!

I ran the first 13 and only stopped at the water stations to walk. I made pretty good time compared to my long training runs. But my hips and ankles were hurting and from my experience on my 16-mile training run I just knew I had to take some meds or my body was gonna give out on me. The next 7 miles I alternated walking and running. By mile 20 my feet were way too sore to run anymore and I just walked.

"Hey little lady! We're gonna finish this!" At mile 20, in steps my marathon angel sporting a fedora and harmonica. That's my kind of angel! For the next 6.2 miles I was able to take my mind off my exhaustion (my body was absolutely spent and I was going solely on will power). John, my marathon angel, peppered his colorful stories with some blues songs. He told me about hunting, about his music, and about his other races. He knew exactly what I needed--distraction--and he filled it shamelessly.

I slowed down throughout the race but I never "hit the wall." I never got desperate or discouraged. I smiled and ran. I thought I was free and clear, especially with John by my side making me laugh and asking nothing in return other than that I just keep going. Then we hit mile 24.

The Quad Cities Marathon is a fantastic event, well-organized and suited for beginners as well as top athletes. It's location is stunning and makes for a lovely run. I would recommend it for anyone.

However, there is something cruel lurking in this race. That something is an out and back.

Out and back? That doesn't sound so bad, right? Half my training runs were out and backs. This out and back had something special attached to it. It was at the very end of the race. And it started near the finish line--you could see the finish, hear the other finishers cheering--and then took you out a few miles before you were allowed to turn around and head back. Cruel!

At 24 miles I hit the wall. My chest was pounding, my head felt light, every muscle and joint ached (I mean EVERY--my toes, my shoulders, and the muscles behind my knees to name a few) and water no longer solved any of these complaints. I needed to stop. With only 2.2 miles to go I was sure my body wouldn't make it, I was sure I would collapse. I slowed my pace, tried to catch my breathe, and stuck some Skittles in my mouth.

"You OK, kiddo? You're slowing down on me!" And so I kept up what felt like a merciless pace. I kept smiling, barely. And kept walking, somehow.

And it is here that I would like to take a moment and thank Japan for helping my get across that finish line. I didn't realize it until I was out there running, but my time in Japan gave me all the confidence and all the mental fortitude I'd need to finish that race. In Japan, everyday was a marathon mentally. Everyday I had to reassure myself that I was going to be OK, that I could get through another lonely winter night or another difficult class. And so, on marathon day, I just ran one mile at a time. No matter how tired I was I knew I could get through a mile. In Japan, no matter how lonely or frustrated I got I knew I could be a good teacher for one day. I could smile when I wanted to cry. And in doing so I was able to relish the small joys that came my way.

During the marathon there were Elvis impersonators, peppy high school cheerleaders, community members in lawn chairs on their driveways, and ever-cheerful water station volunteers. If I only focused on the 26.2 miles ahead of me, or the aches in my body, I would have missed these smalls moments of joy, these bursts of togetherness amid the long, lonely stretches.

I'll probably run another marathon someday. Until then, I'll keep running. Because I like to.

And Just Like That...I Enjoy Running!

Scheduled: 8 Actual: 8 RPE: 5

I got out late as usual but the difference this time is that I told myself it didn't matter. I was going to finish the 8 miles no matter what time it was. If I had to rush out my door and risk being late for the morning meeting, that's what I'd do!

I walked half of mile 1 and ran all of mile 2. I stopped for a drink break (sports drink). I ran another two miles then stopped to hydrate. I walked all of mile 5 and drank a lot before heading out to finish the last three miles in succession. I finished 10 minutes sooner than I anticipated!

The interesting thing about this run is that it wasn't easy. I felt slow the entire run. My hips, knees, back, and ankles were sore by mile 5. But I kept running. I can't really explain it. Usually when I know I'm stopping for a water break I'll start walking a block before my house. Today I ran right up to my house. Even as I was doing it I didn't know why. I just wanted to.

I was slow and in pain but I knew that it was ok. I'd drink a lot of water and stretch my aches out. I knew I was going to finish my run. I kept telling myself that I would. That I'd run as long as I needed to. That this run was great and that my marathon was going to be great. Not because it was going to be easy but because I was gonna finish it.

Today it felt like someone turned a switch on inside me. For no particular reason, I enjoy running. It's not any easier. I just like it.

Let's Running!

Total This Week: 18 miles Cumulative Total: 75 miles

I Am: MARATHONER

Scheduled: 5 Actual: 5 RPE: 2-3

I may have finally hit my stride. In week six, but better late than never!

Pouring again. Could barely get myself out of bed because I really didn't want to run in the rain AGAIN. I was grumpy and very discouraged in my first mile. I wanted to quit. Not just the run but the whole silly thing. A marathon?! What am I thinking?!

I don't remember exactly why or what I thought but I decided to just keep running. And I finished the run. Smiling through the last two miles. I sincerely enjoyed this run. I had to will myself to begin each mile (I stopped for a drink every mile) but once I was going, I was going!

Non-Runner's Trainer asks that we compose a positive self-talk paragraph to use when we're discouraged and throughout the day as a reminder of what we can do. who we are. Here's mine:

I am a marathoner. Impossible is nothing. I can run as long as I need to. I'm getting stronger every step. Impossible is NOTHING. I am a marathoner.

Today I just used "I am a marathoner" and at the same time (like last Friday's run) I told myself, "Just keep running." In order to keep better time with my steps I shortened it to, "I am: Marathoner." It's super silly, but it made me feel like a super hero. As if that is my identity and my super-power is running :)

Tomorrow I will run, rain or shine. And I will probably enjoy it.

Let's Running.

Downpours and Thunder and Lightning, Oh My!

Scheduled: 4 Actual: 1 RPE: 3

Though I only ran a mile, today was one of my best training runs ever. It was POURING rain. Not even my crazy, meddling neighbor was out strolling and rain usually doesn't stop her. I had plans to call Jordan after my run because it's been ages since our schedules worked out to chat and part of me thought, "Meh, why not skip the run altogether. You don't have time to finish it anyway." And as soon as I thought that I immediately said, "No way!" I'm no longer running just because I have to run to complete my marathon in September. I'm running because I like it! I like starting my day off running.

For half of my route I ran next to rice paddies and the sound of rain hitting the shallow water that the rice plants sit in is a very pretty and peaceful sound. I'm glad I got to hear that. Also, since it was pouring it wasn't humid and the run was almost pleasant (minus my soggy, spongy shoes). But thunder and lightning started during my first mile and so I decided to call it a day.

This week in Non-Runner's Trainer they emphasize the importance of self-talk and how what we say about ourselves becomes our perception about ourselves. Though this is my first experience with endurance sports, I am very familiar with the power of positive self-talk.

When I was 15-years-old my older brother died by suicide. About a year later I was taking anti-depressants and in counseling. Since then I have seen more than six different therapists, the most recent being about five years ago (I also stopped taking the medication at about this time). In a session in those dark first months the therapist asked me to compile a list of things I liked about myself. She had to help me with every single one and when I looked back on the list I realized they were all things concerning other people ("I'm kind" "I like to volunteer") and none just about me ("I'm beautiful" "I'm smart").

Whenever I 'd look in a mirror I always thought and said horrible things about myself. My negativity about my appearance had started to erode what I thought about my personality. So, I started arguments with myself. My first thought would be, "You are so ugly" but as soon as I said that I'd counter it and say, "No! You are very beautiful, Claire." It wasn't too long before I only said the positive thing and even to this day I smile at myself in mirrors, almost involuntarily.

This week's reading reminded me of this process. Much like how recovered drug-addicts are still technically addicts, I am someone who has recovered from depression, not someone cured of any traces of what once was a lifestyle. I need to always remind myself how wonderful I am, how I can run these training miles, and how I will run that marathon. It's not just a good idea, it's vital to my success. And I intend to succeed.

So, Let's Running!

A Smile is My Mantra

Schedule: 7 Actual: 7 RPE: 4

Oh wow! I had a fantastic run today! For the first time in my training, I can picture myself running and completing a marathon.

I took my phone with me but didn't keep track of the minutes per mile; I was just focusing on running. I ran an average of 11-minute miles but I know my first two miles were about 15 minutes each. I walked a few minutes to start and end my first mile. I had leg cramps as usual and stretched them several times.

I was getting myself so worked up about this run since I'd never run this many miles before. So I decided to mentally separate the run into an 3-mile and 4-mile run. I stopped for a drink at 3 miles and then carried on, telling myself that I've run 4 miles plenty of times so it doesn't matter.

At about 4 miles I hit my stride, and maybe my endorphins hit me. I think long-distance running is a good match for me. I've always struggled with keeping a workout routine and I think I now know why: I need to be working out for over an hour before I get that endorphin surge that motivates your next workout. However most workout routines last only 30 minutes.

On my ride home Thursday I was thinking to myself about my time playing softball and how exhausted and sweaty and sore I would get doing that. For the first two weeks of training each season I took ibuprofen twice a day and I was 14 years old! That helped me feel better about the aches and pains I have and about the fact that I can keep going through the pain. I've done it before. And I got stronger because of the pain. So I'll do it again.

Today, my smile was my mantra! I went to bed telling myself, "This long run is a great way to finish up the week" and woke up saying the same thing to myself (frankly I doubt there is any other way for me to get myself out of bed at 5:00 in the morning...). And that's what I told myself throughout my run. I didn't focus on too much but I also didn't let my mind wander too much. I just kept telling myself that this a perfect way to spend a Friday morning before work.

My last three miles were amazing. I smiled the whole time. I felt light and fast and strong. My muscles were loose and my breathing was more regular. The Non-Runner's Trainer reminded me to keep running the schedule, not to run more out of impatience. At the beginning of the week I thought, "Yeah right. No problem here!" But now I understand the struggle. This long run was such a positive experience there is a temptation to run this much each day. But I won't.

I was really tired after lunch and wasn't able to concentrate much. From now on I'll bring fresh fruit and juice to school Fridays so that I can have an energy boost in the afternoon.

Let's Running!

Total this Week: 17 Cumulative Total: 28