Last Long Run

Miles: 16 RPE: 7

Well, I'm definitely behind schedule. Or put another way, I'm on my own schedule. Though I should be winding my training runs down by now I had yet to run more than 12 miles and I really felt that my physical and mental preparation wouldn't be on if I didn't complete this run.

To be honest, I've tried to run this for at least three weeks but each time I had an excuse for not finishing it. Sometimes I just didn't run at all to avoid it. Monday I planned to run but couldn't get out of bed early enoough (partly because I had gone to bed late but mostly because I didn't want to do this run).

I was afraid.

"What if I can't do it? What if it takes me really long? How terrible is my marathon time going to be then?! What if I walk a lot?"

Monday I finished an 8-mile run. And I had a breakthrough. Yes, two weeks before I run 26.2 miles I'm still learning how to run, in my mind. I got to a part of the trail that's in an open field, no shade. The midday sun was more fierce than I anticipated. I started getting a headache. "Oh no! I'm getting dehydrated! What if I pass out?!"

And then it dawned on me, caution and fear are two different things. Caution is what compels me to hydrate before each run and bring Gatorade with me. Caution is what compels me to stretch after each training run, even my 4-mile jaunts. Fear, on the other hand, is what keeps me in bed, keeps me from running, keeps me from pushing myself. My loops Monday were 3 miles. The sun was hot, but not that hot. I wasn't going to pass out. It was going to uncomfortable, yes, but not dangerous.

I rested Tuesday and hit the trail today at 8:30am. It's a mile walk to the trail from my parent's house so I begin and end each long run with a walk. A good mental prep for what lies ahead. I ran 8 hard miles. I tried to convince myself my body and breathing were fluid, tried to focus on my 2-mile loop and not the many, many miles ahead of me.

On mile 9 I got a call to be interviewed for a job! The good news invigorated me, but only briefly. Soon it became a distraction and I thought to myself, "You've run 8 miles, you'll have gone 10 total miles once you get back. Preparing for this job interview is more important." I stopped at my bench to drink. I almost went home.

Then I turned on my iPod and kept running. I didn't want to tell my support circle (my parents, Stephen, Jordan and another running friend, Marc) that I didn't make it.

At about mile 14 my joints stopped cooperating, particularly my ankle and hip joints. My feet were swollen and hurt to run on. I walked the last mile and then that mile home.

And by walked of course I mean hobbled :)

These last few days leading up to September 26th I'll focus my mind during my runs on visualizing the marathon: when I'll start loosening up, when I'll have to toughen my focus and start my mantras, and when to use my iPod to will another step out of my battered legs.

No fear. Let's Running!